Streams of Unconsciousness #1 & #2

Stream of unconsciousness #1

Why do I cry now? No obvious source of pain lingers. More often rivers of my tears flow lately. Compressed darkness brings me my relief and comfort now. The voices are faint, distant, disoriented, and disconnected in my mind as loved ones attempt to soothe my sorrows. I do not know why. As I dig deeper something pulls at the corner of my mind, and also at my heart. Emotions of love, longing, adoration, envy, and hate indulge me simultaneously. But since these changes go unnoticed in my surroundings I assume it is nothing, but as I let my mind wander and be free while I read of soul mates, vampires, witches, and werewolves I feel an unbearably painful connection ripping at my heart which is too crazy even for my own self to question its connection and existence. I do not know why. Am I being warned? Should I remember this from a past life? Is it my destiny trying to unveil itself? I do not know, and I do not know why.

Stream of unconsciousness #2

You know this, I love you. Only I know that I’m IN love with you. I’ve attempted to explain my feelings to you, and you seemed to understand. You are my crutch, my passion, my best friend, my lover, the complete packet all your own. We have an entirely different level of relationship all our own. Our closeness, our comfort, our understanding, our desire, our love are all unexplainable and incomparable. But there’s something I feel is missing that I don’t think you feel the same about at all. Call me selfish, but I want MORE. Unique as we are, I’ll never have that corner of you, which longs for your female mate to gaze up at the moon with. Is this my punishment from a past life? Did I hurt you so badly that now I must suffer by you not wanting all of me as I want all of you? I dare not risk scaring you or driving you away, especially now in my weakest and most chaotic days, by telling you any of this. So alas I submerse myself in false hopes and wrong loves, praying, hoping, maybe someday you’ll relieve my pain and want me as I want you….